Transforming Behaviors

We all at times slip into unwanted behavior patterns that we would like to change. This happens with compulsions, angry outbursts, procrastination, addictions, avoidance and more.  It can often seem like one second we are going through our day just fine, and then next thing we know, we are in the middle of doing a behavior we told ourselves we would not do anymore.  Sometimes it can feel like we slip into these behaviors so fast.  We usually do not realize it, but there is a actually a chain of micro-events linking together that lead to these unwanted behaviors.  Finding out what those links are and then learning how to break each one of them can help transform the unwanted behaviors.  Let’s take a look at what this can look like.
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Identifying The Chain Of Events

• Chain Link 1: What was going on internally that made me more vulnerable to the unwanted behavior? (Tired, hungry, lonely, bored, stressed, intoxicated, physical health issues, mental health challenges, medication issues, sinful heart impurities, demonic oppression, lack of intimacy with Jesus, etc.?)
  
• Chain Link 2: What was the prompting situation that occurred?
  
• Chain Link 3: What automatic thoughts did I have about that prompting situation?
  
• Chain Link 4: What emotions did I feel as a result of those thoughts?
  
• Chain Link 5: What was the unwanted behavior I engaged in as a result of the first 4 chain links?
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Breaking The Chain Of Events

• Breaking Chain Link 1: What can I do from now on to reduce the internal vulnerabilities?
  
• Breaking Chain Link 2: What steps can be taken to minimize the chances of the prompting situation happening again?
  
• Breaking Chain Link 3 & 4: What can I do in the future to cope with the thoughts and emotions that would try to influence the unwanted behavior?
  
• Breaking Chain Link 5: If I ever feel prompted to do the unwanted behavior again, what intentional, preplanned positive behavior can I replace it with?
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Transforming Behaviors Example:
Let’s take a look at what an example of this could look like.  Let’s say I have an unwanted recurring behavior of yelling at my wife.  Although I told myself I would not do it again, it happened yesterday.  I came home from work and I saw dishes sitting on the counter after I have asked her many times not to do that.  The next thing I knew, we finished a yelling match.  Afterwards, I felt horrible.  Let’s take a look at my chain links that led to this and my plan to break the links in the chain to help me avoid yelling in the future.
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Identifying My Chain Of Events

• Chain Link 1: What was going on internally that made me more vulnerable to the unwanted behavior? “I was very tired because I have been neglecting good sleep habits lately.  Feeling tired makes me more susceptible to irritability.”
  
• Chain Link 2: What was the prompting situation that occurred? “When I came home, the TV and radio were on.  It was loud and overstimulating which put me on edge. Then, I saw the dishes on the counter.”
  
• Chain Link 3: What automatic thoughts did I have about that prompting situation? “How could she do that again?! She must not respect me!”
  
• Chain Link 4: What emotions did I feel as a result of those thoughts? “Anger.”
  
• Chain Link 5: What was the unwanted behavior I engaged in as a result of the first 5 chain links? “Yelling at my wife.”
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‍Breaking My Chain Of Events

• Breaking Chain Link 1: What can I do from now on to reduce the internal vulnerabilities? “I can start practicing better sleep habits starting tonight.”
  
• Breaking Chain Link 2: What steps can be taken to minimize the chances of the prompting situation happening again? ““When I get home, I can turn the noise down.  Then, when my wife and I are calm, we can have a constructive conversation to strategize how she can make future improvements with the dishes.”
  
• Breaking Chain Link 3 & 4: What tool can I use in the future to cope with the thoughts and emotions that would try to influence the unwanted behavior? “I can pause, take a few deep breaths, zoom out and reframe my perspective.”
  
• Breaking Chain Link 5: If I ever feel prompted to do the unwanted behavior again, what intentional, preplanned positive behavior can I replace it with? “If I feel an urge to yell in the future, I will tell my wife I need a break and go into a vacant room  and distract myself with fantasy football to decompress.”
  
  

Final Thoughts

Sometimes it can be beneficial to break each chain link to be able to improve your behavior.  At other times, you may not have to break every link to be able to stop things from going down an unwanted path.  Doing this exercise can train your brain to start seeing every link in the chain moment-by-moment and recognize there are many points at which you can turn the links in the chain around.  There may be moments in which you do not catch the first few chain links, but you can still have a chance to catch and change the course of your behaviors near the end of the chain.  This unwanted behavior may have been discouraging in the past, but with intentionality and tools like this, you can transform!  Watch the video below, then write out the links in your behavior chain and the steps you will take to break each chain link to start transforming your behaviors now!