Accepting Emotions

Everyone experiences anxiety, anger, depression, grief, sadness, guilt, shame, insecurity and physical pain. We are taught that the average state of our human condition is happiness. However, that is not true. Everyone at times will feel the full variety of uncomfortable psychological experiences. The normal state of human beings is an ever-changing flow of psychological experiences. These experiences come with uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and behavioral impulses. These symptoms pop up automatically. We do not choose to have them and oftentimes we cannot shut them off immediately. Even though we are often taught that we should be able to perfectly control all of our thoughts and feelings, that is unfortunately not the way our brains and bodies work.
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Struggling With Emotions
Oftentimes, we end up subconsciously judging these symptoms as “bad,” “unacceptable,” or “intolerable.” When we do that, our relationship with these symptoms change as we impulsively try to control, fight, suppress, wish away, push away, avoid or dissociate from them. When they do not disappear right away, we can feel in contention with these symptoms and our tension is higher. When we struggle like this, we no longer have harmony inside ourselves. As an example, imagine I judge anxiety as “bad,” “unacceptable,” “something to avoid” or “something I should be able to perfectly control.” Then, every time anxiety arises (and it will because it is normal!), my impulsive reaction will be to try to control, fight, suppress, wish away, push away, avoid or dissociate from these symptoms. At that point, I have developed a contentious relationship with anxiety.  After that point, whenever anxiety shows up, I will feel anxiety about my anxiety. Now the anxiety and the tension inside of me just multiplied. Does that sound relatable in any way? While I used anxiety as this one example, we can do this same thing with any uncomfortable thought, emotion, body sensation, physical pain or behavioral impulse.
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From Struggling To Accepting
Since psychological discomfort is guaranteed to happen, automatic and cannot be perfectly controlled, it is imperative that we learn to change our relationship with it. Once we learn to move away from judging and fighting these experiences and learn to accept them, we can eliminate the distress and tension that comes from the struggle. After doing that, we can have more harmony within ourselves. Doing that can increase our psychological flexibility, ease tension we feel around these symptoms and make us more adaptable.
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Struggle Switch Video
Before reading any further, stop and watch this short “Struggle Switch” video. This will help you visualize these concepts to better understand them.
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The Key to Acceptance
By now you may be thinking, “Well, all of that sounds great—but how exactly do I do that?” I’m glad you asked. The key to moving from struggling to accepting is learning how to pause and observe your internal experience—your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations—without jumping to fix, criticize, or control them. Instead of judging these experiences as “bad” or trying to push them away, we can practice opening up and making space for them. Imagine softening around the discomfort rather than tightening up against it. Rather than seeing these symptoms as enemies to resist, we can begin to approach them with curiosity—drawing them in closer, noticing what they feel like, and exploring what they might be telling us. This doesn’t mean we like them or want them to stay forever. It just means we’re no longer escalating the pain by fighting it. When we allow our inner experiences to be what they are, without adding layers of resistance or self-criticism, we begin to feel more grounded. Over time, this shift can reduce the tension we feel and help us become more psychologically flexible and resilient. Below, you’ll find a guided exercise designed to help you practice this kind of acceptance with uncomfortable emotions. You can also apply the same approach to difficult thoughts, body sensations, physical pain, or urges.

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Accepting Emotions Guided Meditation