Accepting Influence from Your Spouse

When your partner makes a request or rebuttal to something that you don’t see eye to eye on, how do you usually respond?  Do you double down on your point of view and refuse to budge?  Or, even though you disagree, are you willing to tune into your partner’s desires, see the reasonable parts of their request and respond with a willingness to compromise?  When you are willing to see things from their point of view and compromise, you are allowing your partner to influence you.  Research shows that couples who do this well, have a much higher marital satisfaction rate and less likelihood of divorce.  On the other hand, when relationships have one partner who is not willing to share power, there is an 81% chance of divorce.  When it comes to allowing your partner to influence you, that does not mean you should give up all of your personal power and let your spouse rule over you.  However, the happiest, most stable marriages in the long run are ones in which both partners do not resist sharing power and decision making with the other.  You can do this by actively searching for common ground rather than insisting on getting your own way.
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Gender Differences
While it's crucial for both partners in a relationship to develop this skill, studies indicate that men often struggle more than women when it comes to accepting influence from their significant other. That’s not to say that women don’t also need to be open to their partner’s input—it’s just that, in general, women already tend to take their partner’s thoughts and emotions into consideration during decision-making. Of course, this doesn’t mean women never get angry or express contempt toward their husbands. However, they’re generally more likely to factor their partner’s perspective into the equation. Unfortunately, many men don’t reciprocate this behavior. So while it’s beneficial for both spouses to avoid escalating conflict, the key point is that husbands especially need to make a conscious effort to be open to their wives’ influence. Interestingly, women whose husbands are receptive to their input tend to approach marital conflicts more gently. This, in turn, boosts the chances that the relationship will remain healthy and strong over time.
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We Have to Yield to Win
One of the most notable differences between partners who are open to influence and those who aren’t is that the former understand a crucial life lesson: sometimes, giving a little ground is the best way to move forward. Picture driving through a crowded city—sooner or later, you’ll run into traffic jams or unexpected detours that block your way. In those moments, you have two choices. You can stop, dig in your heels, and demand that the obstruction get out of your way. Or, you can stay calm and find an alternate route. That first reaction—insisting on having your way—may lead to serious stress, even health problems. The second, more flexible approach—navigating around the problem—will actually get you where you want to go. Being open to your partner’s influence is partly about mindset, but it’s also a skill you can develop over time by paying attention to how you interact with them. When disagreements arise, the ability to compromise becomes essential. That means really listening to what your partner is asking and sifting through their request for something you can agree to.‍

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Exercises for Learning to Accept Each Other’s Influence

The following activities can help couples grow in their ability to listen to one another, respect each other’s input, and make decisions together. Try working through these with your partner and see what you notice.

1. Pause Before Responding
When your partner asks for something and your first reaction is resistance, take a brief pause. You might say, “Give me a moment to think about that.” Use that time to reflect on the parts of their request that seem reasonable. Consider ways you might meet their need or find a compromise. Then return to the conversation and talk about it calmly, asking questions so you can better understand their perspective and feelings.

2. Practice Empathy
When your partner brings up an issue or wants to discuss something important, try to imagine the situation from their point of view. Ask yourself how you would hope to be treated if you were in their position. Let that mindset guide how you listen and respond.

3. Set Aside Judgment
If you notice critical or judgmental thoughts forming while your partner is speaking, pause for a moment. Picture those thoughts as objects you can remove from your mind and set aside. Give yourself permission to listen without immediately evaluating or correcting. Focus on understanding first.

4. Remember What You Appreciate
While listening, remind yourself why you love and value your partner. Viewing them through a lens of appreciation can soften defensiveness and make it easier to hear what they are trying to express.

Working through exercises like these can help create a relationship where both partners feel heard, respected, and valued.

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Final Thoughts

If you find it hard to accept input from your partner, recognizing this pattern and having an open conversation about it can make a significant difference in your marriage. Changing long-standing behaviors takes time, but owning up to your struggles with sharing control is a crucial step forward. This kind of honesty can bring your spouse a sense of hope and relief about the future of your relationship. From there, try to bring your partner on board as a supportive teammate in addressing the issue. Invite them to kindly point out moments when you might come across as controlling, defensive, or dismissive without realizing it. Being open to your partner’s influence is essential for resolving any kind of disagreement effectively.